Triptych of Silence

Work I is my own story of being sexually assaulted by an old
neighbor who was at that time already in his 80s. The man
died when I was still hesitating to tell my parents and
worrying about being called a liar. Now no one will ever
believe a little girl who accused a dead man of sexual
assault. I was in despair for a long time and the hopeless
feeling never went away. In the painting, the red chair is
where the man was sitting while it happened, and it
happened to be my mother’s dowry. I was told that when a
girl gets married, she would have a lot of new and red things.
Therefore, in my mind at that time, that chair is a symbol of
becoming a woman. That day on the very chair, I came to
know that the other meaning of being a woman is being in
danger for my gender. I used to help my mother color her
nails, which is also something I thought only real women get
to do. On that day, I felt like all the nail polish bottles were
knocked over and spilled everywhere——on the floor, on the
swing and on me.
As my parents were always not at home, most time, I stayed
at home alone on weekends during my childhood. No one
knew what happened, nor anybody listened to me. I became
friends with the ants that constantly appeared in the house
because I knew that they saw what happened.

Work II is the story of my best friend D, who was sexually assaulted by one of her father’s friends, while her parents were next door. She was younger than me when that thing happened. After years, she told me that her parents’ being just next-door is the most painful part of the whole tragedy.

They were enjoying peaceful family time while their daughter was being killed inside. Aren’t parents supposed to see everything around their kids? She asked herself and the god. Her mouth was covered; her parents were so close yet so far away. She felt like she is drowning, being suffocated, and being dragged to a deeper ocean. That helpless feeling has been haunting her up to now. She still could choose to talk to her parents about it but she wishes that her parents could find it back then.

Work III is the story of my good friend S in college. Her sexual assault happened even earlier than that of D and me. It was definitely before six and for a long time, S thought that it was just a bad dream. However, she started to recall more and more details, and when she had a boyfriend,

she came to be sure that the sexual assault did happen. She got depressed deeply and has been living in pain ever since. When we were talking about it, she told me how it changed her way and role in a relationship completely and how it became her living nightmare every day. Sexual assault is like a giant snake that sits in her life, preparing to come out of shadow and attack again. What she thought was a dream, was actually the reality.